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  • Writer's pictureThe Duffer's Diary

Duffed no more – Trying to be good

Updated: Jan 31, 2021

Image by Nick Fewings at

When pregnant, I realised something awful.  Women are using a very big stick to beat ourselves with (in addition to The Daily Mail doing it for us) in our constant desire to be seen to be “good” when it’s all total bollocks. This isn’t news, so why the hell do I feel compelled to say it again?

I, for one, didn’t sign up for that crap. I also wish I could have believed (I did in my brain, but not really in my gut for quite a while) my friends who said “Trust your own judgment, it’s probably pretty sound.” about the whole parenting malarkey so let’s tell the Moaning Minnies and Judgy Joans to do one. I was a child of the ’70s and I turned out ok etc etc etc…..obsessive parenting and feeling guilty gets you nowhere and at the end of the day, “good” also doesn’t actually mean “perfect”.

I declare today (and tomorrow and the day after) to be the time that we try, for a whole 10 minutes at least per day, to not feel fking guilty about something we’re doing that *might* tenuously, possibly affect your baby and their development and/or future emotional well-being.

Be loving, be kind, talk, sing about as well as the sad deluded people on X factor,  dance like someone is electrocuting your feet, read to them a bit, remember that CBeebies/formula/playpens are not the work of Satan, say no to everybody once in a while and look after yourself and be kind – to yourself. Happy parents are good parents as a rule – and the chances are that you probably are great at it, and you’re a beautiful person. Shut the voices out and tell every negative Nelly to foxtrot oscar for a while – go on, you know you’ll enjoy it. x

P.S. everyone benefits…bugger…I’m being positive…” tsk *eye roll*…children”…

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