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  • Writer's pictureThe Duffer's Diary

A Paltrow moment (one from Sunday)

Updated: Dec 10, 2020

As the weather is ghastly, my son is off colour and my husband is travelling back from a stag do, I’m in the house and naturally my thoughts have turned to food.

Thing is, because I’m working on this eating better thing, I have been rummaging about the internet. One particular recipe that keeps jumping out all over the place is the kale chip. Gwyneth raves about this shizzle.

To be honest, I was skeptical. After all, it appears to be the staple diet of actresses who need to take their kit off a lot. (Please see Jennifer Aniston) and some of the strategies that are utilised to maintain a “hot bod” seem, frankly, insane. The idea of the Kale chip is only several steps away from eating hay with seasonings, or at least it was until I tried it….This really isn’t the most demanding recipe I’ve ever executed.

  1. Set your oven to Gas Mark 3.

  2. Get your kale out of the bag, take out the big stalky bits that are a bit like chewing on the nearest tree branch and give it a wash.

  3. Dry it off by patting it dry with a tea towel, or alternatively, if you’re feeling particularly wild and daring, you can bundle it up in your tea towel, and windmill it. (Much in the style of Pete Townesend when the Who were in their pomp)

  4. Once you’ve picked the kale from the light fittings, your childs’ hair and the walls, coat it with a small amount of olive oil (1tbsp-ish), salt, pepper and smoked paprika. Spread it out on lined baking sheets and hoof in the oven keeping an eye on it to ensure it doesn’t burn. It should be dried out, not browned.

  5. Eat.

(I’m writing this from perspective of being a massive brasicca-phile).

Now I’d love to say that this is the future of snacking for me…..but it’s not. It’s good in that you get a hit of flavour, and kale is good stuff. I neglected to mention that you will be lucky to encounter any feelings of fullness at all, though the olive oil/pepper/salt/paprika thing ensures that it’s not entirely without merit.

It’s just there’s nothing that really tickles my pleasure centres, though I am tempted to try this again in a more “crispy seaweed” style, only with less deep frying. It’s not bad, but I’ve got to be honest, it’s culinary Calvinism. I think what I’m struggling with is that it appears to be a bowl full of dietary virtue, and my inner bon viveur isn’t happy with that at all. So my scepticism has remained completely intact.

But….I’d do it again, I think…or I could walk the long way to the shop and buy a bag of crisps. I think I like the second option more.

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