Well actually I won’t be 60 soon, however I do appreciate it’ll be soon enough.
As life is all too short and busy, I’ve been trying to be kind to myself, generally hang in there, and not, for want of a more elegant phrase, do my own head in trying to be all things to all people. It’s only been recently that I’ve realised that stepping away from my creative outlets is not the way to achieve this and in the few weeks I’ve been away from work, I’ve felt some fairly unusual sensations wafting over me.
I realised that it was contentment. That was a weird one and no mistake.
As if by magic, (or more to the point, his Mrs. shared it on Facebook), I re-read this blog by Brian Lumsden, Life and Leadership Coach, twentyoneleadership.com, that hit home on a number of levels. Especially around self-care and the time spent with loved ones.
Rather tellingly, I actually meant to post this last year, but work/stress ate my life again and I never got around to it. It’s really worth a read.
As you are no doubt aware, I’m someone who’s expended a lot of effort trying to help people who experience stress and burnout at work stay sane when they are stuck in the same job. That drove them around the bend in the first place. Ironically I have finally done the thing that I was trying not to do – i.e. leave.
However, here we are, and I will be leaving my job at the end of the month.
I’ll be honest, since making the decision, I have not felt a moments’ regret or doubt and soldiering on towards the end to finish work off and hand it over is giving me a good insight into how toxic this is for me, and how I’ve been doing a pretty crappy job of making this situation work. In the sphere of my professional confidence, I currently no longer have any.
I know it’ll return when I’m doing something I genuinely want to do, but at the moment, my primary focus is getting through to the end without swearing at anyone. (And you know I love a good swear!).
Generally my dreams are a load of tripe: for example, the one about trying to catch pigs in a flooded field whilst carrying a washing machine. Whilst being chased by anthromorphic articulated lorries*. This was a particular stand out in my catalogue of anxiety-ridden sleep time brain vomitings.
I prefer the pigs with the strawberries
DO NOT LIFT
Last night I had an epiphany. Does anyone else have dreams that come in a series? Hopefully not just me – but if it is just me, please send me the number of a good therapist.
However, I digress. Occasionally I get to have a season finale, and so it was last night. I have been dreaming about binning off lectures, skiving off tutorials and failing to hand work in for years. Hilariously, once I actually graduated, I dreamt that I had started a new degree and I was repeating the pattern. BA (Hons) Media Communications to be exact.
Last night I graduated from the fictional degree, and got a Third – and then had the realisation that a) I had a degree already so it didn’t matter all that much and b) had a much better grade. And oddly enough, woke up feeling pretty good about myself.
Brain, I could have done with this a few years ago, you twat.
*Though any inference you might hazard to make about the fact that I was married to my first husband at the time is purely coincidental.